I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
