please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
