i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
