I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
