I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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