Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
