I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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