I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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