I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
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