The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize
