She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
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