I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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