Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
