Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
