When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
