he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
