next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
