I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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