Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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