weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
