I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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