I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
