I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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