So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
