we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Randomize
