I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
3pm strippers are depressing
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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