How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Randomize
