he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
