Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
