New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
