That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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