Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Randomize
