Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Randomize
