I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I enjoy the company of your penis
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