It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
