Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
