why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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