mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
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