i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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