i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
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