i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Randomize
