You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
God, I missed his penis.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
