Welp...herpes.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
