There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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