We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
