R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
