so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
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