If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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