Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
