Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
