I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I can't turn off my feet"
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
