that's an acceptable place to lick
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
pop tarts are not kleenex
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
