This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
it was like eating out sand paper
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
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