I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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